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In addition to owning your part in any conflict, you should stick to the facts in telling someone how he’s wronged you. Even a slight exaggeration of what went down will kick up the other person’s defensiveness, Lerner said. Sometimes it’s just a start. When it comes to a serious hurt or betrayal — a spouse cheats on their partner, for example — “a true apology is a long-distance run,” she said. “It begins with ‘I’m sorry,’ but doesn’t end there.”.

The offender will need to sit in “the hot seat” for a long time and put aside his defensiveness and periodically listen to things he probably 1/4bjd msd shoes 1/6bjd yosd ,bowknot ballet shoes doesn’t want to hear, Just the words “I’m sorry” won’t help the other person feel safe in the relationship again, Lerner said, “More than anything, the hurt party wants to know that we really ‘get it,’  that our empathy and remorse are deeply felt, that we will carry some of the pain we’ve caused and that there will be no repeat performance,” she said..

Not everything is forgivable. Lerner said people are often unclear about the purpose of forgiveness in personal healing or in reconciling disputes. And there are some situations, as with the aforementioned Celina, when it’s not necessary or even advisable to forgive. “One myth is that forgiveness is the only path to a life that’s not mired in bitterness and hate, and that those who do not forgive the offender are at higher risk for both mental and physical problems,” she said. “This is not true. There are many roads to healing, ‘letting go’  and finding some inner peace.”.

Teach your kids to apologize, If the ability to apologize is at the heart of good relationships, then it’s a skill that parents should pass on to their kids, preferably by role modeling, Some parents fear that saying sorry to to their kids will undercut their authority or make them look weak and uncertain. On the contrary, Lerner said: Apologizing to 1/4bjd msd shoes 1/6bjd yosd ,bowknot ballet shoes your children shows that you are strong and that you value fairness, “Children have an innate sense of justice and suffer when a parent’s defensivness invalidates what the child knows to be true,” she said. “Indeed the ability to apologize is one of the greatest gifts we can give to our kids.”..

OAKLAND — After weeks of failing to provide Alameda County prosecutors access to a draft investigative report on the deadly Ghost Ship fire, city officials delivered a final version of the report to the criminal investigation team Saturday, hours after this news organization reported on the delays. The report, which prosecutors have been asking for since last month, was sent by email, Oakland spokesman Harry Hamilton said. Early Monday, the city said it was a draft report, but by late Monday both sides confirmed the final report had been sent.

A spokeswoman for the Alameda County District Attorney’s Office confirmed the report was received over the weekend, Teresa Drenick said it would not be made public because of the ongoing criminal investigation, On Friday, this news organization reported that David 1/4bjd msd shoes 1/6bjd yosd ,bowknot ballet shoes Lim, the lead prosecutor in the Ghost Ship criminal investigation, had been emailing the City Attorney’s Office asking for a copy of the draft report prepared by the Oakland Fire Department, writing that the city was legally obligated to provide it, Communication stopped in late February, according to both sides, after Lim unsuccessfully requested a copy of the report by the close of business Feb, 27 and again on Feb, 28..

The DA’s Office launched a criminal investigation into the Ghost Ship fire days after 36 people died Dec. 2 while attending a dance party at the Fruitvale district warehouse. No charges have been filed. Attorney Mary Alexander, who represents the families of nine of the fire victims, said Monday that she has also been asking for the report and was told it was coming soon, but she had no idea about any internal sharing issues. “We’ve all been waiting for it. The public and, most importantly, the families, they are waiting to hear the cause and waiting for justice from the DA,” Alexander said. “The final report needs to get out as soon as possible to the families who have been sitting on pins and needles.”.

In addition to the fire’s cause, the report would likely include witness statements, investigative notes, photographs and other details of the fire and the building, including exits and electrical sources, Alexander said it would be “surprising” if the city would “whitewash” the report, as some experts have previously speculated, because all versions of the report would have to 1/4bjd msd shoes 1/6bjd yosd ,bowknot ballet shoes be shared by attorneys on all sides, Stanford law professor Robert Weisberg, who runs the school’s criminal law clinic, said he could understand the DA’s concerns about not getting the draft report in a timely manner, Prosecutors risk violating a U.S, Supreme Court decision, Brady v, Maryland, if they don’t turn over all investigative materials to the defense before trial..

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